Sunday, March 13, 2005
To think that Saturday I'll be as miserably hurt I could ever get, my parents ask me out for a family outing.Thanked God that I would'nt have to be at home, just looking through window, dazed.All of it happened so fast, everything just went blank, its as though I was in a dream.Tapi ku terima hakikat nya, I was the one to be blame.I should have been sensitive to her feelings, I should have not said that I would'nt want to see her at all.All I want is not seeing her for a time being, so that I would have the time to recuperate myself.I was so confused, dan bukan ku sengaja tidak mahu menegur mu hari itu, tetapi hatiku terasa gelisah melihat diri mu.I did'nt want to hurt your feelings, and that's why I kept myself away from you.It turn out the other way round.In the end, I lost you.And left only shattered dreams...
So I visited my grandparents today with a fake smile. I pretended to feel as though nothing did happen to me.But my nenek knew me too well.She was worried that I was actually hurting deep inside."kenape nie Apat?Muram je?"But I just smiled and said to her that I'm just sleepy.I can't believe I just lied to my nenek, I've done something sinful, just so that I would'nt have to share a burden to my nenek.She's like a mother to me, she took care of me when I was a baby, and I would'nt want to tell her that I just hurt someone's feeling and is now hurting myself just because I've done so.Hanya Tuhan sahaja Yang Maha Mengetahui, semoga diriku dimaafkan kerna perbuataan ku ini. And then, when we were on our way back home, in the car, the radio just keeps on playing this loves song over and over again.Especially Rindu serindunya daripada kumpulan Spoon. My Ayah and Aie sang along with the song, while me just looking through window.And I almost cried.Aie menyapa ku..."Abang!Kenape tak nyanyi, kan favourite song kau..."I noe brother, but I'm just not in the mood...
I can't believe all these had just happened.Why did'nt I noticed her from the beginning?Why did'nt I saw her coming? Selama ini, cinta itu berada di sisiku.Namun, ku tidak menghiraukannya, seolah-olah ia bukan di sana.Ku tidak menyedari semua ini.Mengapa kau tidak meluahkan kepada ku yang kau menyintai diriku?Mengapa harus kau memberiku alasan yang kau tidak berniat menyintai diriku?Bukan ku kan memarahi diri mu.But its all over, tergamak kau melupakan diriku sebegitu sahaja.You only remembered me only through this.After all those memories we've been together, how we used to fought with each other, bertengkar sesama sendiri and even shared lame jokes to each other.You forgot all those? Why did'nt you even remembered the time I told you that you are who you are.The only girl who pinches me, bullies me.That what's makes you.Tapi semua itu hanya kenangan sahaja.Terpulang pada diri mu, ku hanya berdoa semoga kau punya seorang kekasih yang menyayangi diri mu lebih dari diriku.Our friendship was a sincere one, I do cherished it.Up till now, but all of it is already broken now.I've cause so much pain to you, I noe that saying sorry is'nt enough for you. Siapalah ku ini, untuk menyintai seorang insan seanggun dirimu, namun tidak pernah membalas kasih sayang mu...
I'll get over it, its ok you're not totally at fault.Ku mengalah, ku lah segala penyebabnya.Aku lah seorang insan yang tidak menghargai kasih sayang mu.My life has always been carefree.Its time I look after my siblings.They're my responsibility now.Especially my sister.Some of you might noe about her condition, but its best I keep it to myself.I love her as all brothers cared for their siblings. Ku hanya berdoa kepada Tuhan semoga ku dapat melalui sisa-sisa hidup ku ini sekarang...
Till then, May God bless you, Wassallam.
was rockin' on
Sunday, March 13, 2005 and they said.. 
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