Ascendancy

Monday, August 29, 2005

I appreciate the concern my friends have given me. It really gave me the strength to carry on with this life. I feel so touched. I was so down and sentimental back then. But now, I'm feeling better.Thanks to you guys. Thank you for...being understanding. Thank you, for everything...

Last night I had a great day. Man, I had the best laugh I could ever dreamt of. Or even wish for. What ever. Becoz I went for the Syiok Komedi Show at Kallang Theather! Went with my nenek, my mak, Aie and my bibik. Hehez. There's...there's...Suhaimi Yusof! Hussein Saaban! M Rajoli! Alias Kadir! Hafiz Glamour! And even Aaron Aziz!!! Argh...selebriti tanah air...so nice, its not my first time though seeing them...but its the first time I went for a komedi to watch their antics! And its damn funny, like totally! I cried laughing so much, it really tickles my humour bones. The title of the skit was, "Keramat Bernisan Tiga". I don't wanna reveal every part of the show to you guys, just wait till its televised ok! Coz its super damn funny...

Ok, lets talk about today now. I skipped maths tutorial again! All thanks to Vanessa! Hahakz, she messaged me early in the morning, and said she does'nt feel like going for maths tutorial. Well, me either! Hahakz, so meet her up at 9 am instead. Pretty late, but who freakin cares. The modules for today's schedule are all revisions. Anyway, I've got presentation to be content with, coz tomorrow's the oral presentation. Gotta wear formal clothing to school too! I don't feel so comfortable wearing pants, a leather shirt and collared shirt when I'm school. Uhuh, no thank you...

And today, I got to meet Eye Candy! At south canteen. I was so excited I messaged faz about it.( coz apparently, she too was at south canteen...)Becoz, she's just...in front of me. Up close and personal! What the...?! Not really,I was just exaggerating. Hahakz. But she look so...anggun. So...menawan. Then there's this part, where I went to the vending machine to buy a packet drink, Guess who was behind me? It was her! Argh!!! And she was also at the vending machine to buy a packet drink!...

"I'm going to Lala land! Who's coming with me...?"

Part of me was saying..." Yat, this is your chance! Go ask her name and try to get her goddamn number!!" Whereas another part of me was saying..." Yat, stop dreaming! No point of you chasing after her! Think of your ownself, she's too darn good for ya..." So, what did I do? Just, walked away lorh...hehez...

Urgh, no regrets. I don't feel guilty anyway. I did my best anyway. Haiz, its oklah. I'll just, MOVE on lorh...hehez...BUT ...its not really the end...

Then another thing happened! I lost my Student Ez-link card! Like, what the...?! It slipped somewhere when I was at fast food canteen, I think. Or somewhere else. I feel so down. Then there's Tze Wei and Vanessa who were willing to accompany me search for my missing Ez-link card. Thanks guy. Saw my frinkin' peep, Faz. At fastfood canteen by the way. Looked everywhere for it. The student's lost and found. Fastfood canteen. The Auditorium. The...rubbish bin?! Hahakz, I was so sad...kept moaning..." I lost my card..." constantly. While the rest were trying to cool me down. Its actually kinda cool lah. To lose the your ez-link card in the campus! Hahakz, what the...?! Coz, in the end...they've finally found my card! Hahakz, that was when I was on my way home. Urgh, wasted man...but its ok. I would love to see the one who found and claimed it at the student administrative office. Who knows...it could be a girl? And she could have taken my number? And then...she could be contacting me...? Like...NOW!!! Whatever, Yat you are thinking too much...thanks anyway...whoever you are...THANK YOU AH!!!

Hahakz, okiez. I need to sleep early tonight. Coz tomorrow's my presentation! Wish me luck! And for all those who are also having any presentation too, either orally or un-orally, good luck for you guys too! Hahakz, so smell ya later and till then, May God bless all of you, Wassallam.

*Alucard*
was rockin' on
Monday, August 29, 2005 and they said.. 0 comments

Saturday, August 27, 2005

Man, I feel so weird today. Its hard to say that I was wrong...Its hard to say that I miss you...Since you've been gone, its not the same...

I did'nt think that she'll be in contact with me anymore, but she sure did. My first love messaged me late last night asking me to support her for a performance. Though...that was'nt the main story. She told me something I already knew, a problem I had heard from my bro Zul. But...that was'nt all of it. She told me something more than that. And I got a freaking shock of my life. I did'nt know how many times I've "mengucap", she sounded so...hurt. So...depressed. She love had not been going through a life I thought I've prayed for. Kesenangan. Kebahagian. Dan...Ketenangan. Instead, all she got...was the opposite of those. And she told me how she could have killed herself. Slit her wrist. Something huge happened to her, but I would'nt tell. I just could'nt...it really made me cry over this...just, thinking of these...it's just isn't right...

I'm willing to help her. But at what cost? I've no longer had any feelings for her, nor had I any intentions to be with her anymore. Somehow, I felt like...I just wanna help her. Just to help her...only as a friend. Somehow, I've already moved on, from the girl I used to sent letters with. A girl, who shared her sorrows and problems with me while we were in school. And a girl...who was never my girlfriend. But somehow rather...she'll still be a part of me...I dunnoe, I just had mixed feelings when things like this happened...

I'll try not to think to much. All these just made me go weaker. Undivided feelings. Coz I'm still not through with my old flame. I'm slowly moving on. Moving on from this phase of life we call it...love. To unloved is the hardest part of life. It wasn't easy to let go, let alone...moving on from a love you knew will never grow again. I did'nt lose anything moving on, rather than to lose holding on to someone...

Now, I'll just try to help her. Help her feel at ease. Rather than to lose her own life. I'm willing to give my all, even though I'm doing it at a cost of being a friend. I just don't want her to suffer anymore. No more, I think its already too much for her to take it. Its just not fair for her...

May God Bless her and all of you...

Wassallam...

*Alucard*
was rockin' on
Saturday, August 27, 2005 and they said.. 0 comments

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Ok, I'm back by popular demand. Maybe becoz I need some time to breathe, man school's becoming more and more stressful...

Well, today I had a bad headache. Seriously. I could'nt woke up to school, ended up waking up at 8 am. I thought I'll be skipping the whole modules for today's schedule. But, I just would'nt wanna miss all my studies. Not when its maths. Integration. That topic really freaked me out. In the end, managed to reach school, although I missed digital media and design's authorware tutorial today...

And I saw a lot of familiar faces today. People I knew, at fast food canteen. Hahakz. There's Faz, that Chubby Frink, and Kamal, my malay peep during our orientation days, Saiful aka Heartlesskane or should I say...Kane? What ever, and there's even Aini! Hahakz, she's not my EYE CANDY, mind you. Just and OGL I found cute lah, hehez...

And me, Alex, Charles, Peter and JP played Warcraft 3: Frozen Throne on JP's Laptop! Hahakz, such a classic game. We skipped semestral project coz I was kinda tired of going class today. I did'nt know why. My head hurts today. So...excruciating. As though I was brain-freezed a million...no, make a ge-zillion time! Hahakz, what the...?! Anyway, only I played the game, the rest where like instructing me where to go, what to do. Kinda feel like they're being a nuisance lah. So irritating, made my headache worsen. Hahakz, only a joke lah...

Had maths make-up lesson. From 3 to 5 pm.Just to finish up that freakin topic. Integration...gave me the chills. Hahakz. So sat beside my tall, tall friend Charles. Man, he's such a joker lah. I laughed so much just sitting beside him, even though I had mild headaches today. Coz he's just damn...funny lah. Though he does'nt talk crap...but he's face, he's expression and he's sense of humour just freakin tickles me mad. Like, totally. Boleh kering gusi dibuatnye...

I feel so dead tired. A friend of mine called me to see meet her just to do Java, but oh so sleepy I was. Slept in the MRT throughout the whole journey to Jurong East Interchange, and by the time I reach home, I would'nt even wanna take a shower. So, so tired...

I felt like this week's been a very, very long week. Had been absorbing so many things in just a couple of days like a sponge. Now, I feel so exhausted. So...resigned. So...hopeless. I did'nt know whether I could take it anymore, its much more worst than what I've been through during those 'O' level days. Ya Tuhan, berikanlah ku...semangat untuk menghadapi semua ini...

Its a relieve that tomorrow there's no class. I really need some time to rest. But of course, it would'nt be the type of rest you people might think. Like...going out with your friends, or just laze around the whole day in the comfort of your bedroom. But more like...having more time to finish up my projects . The official dateline will be next week. And there's presentation too. So many things to do, so little time to prepare...

I just hope I could take all this...rintangan. Bak kate pepatah, senang dulu pendapatan, sesal kemudian tiada gunanya. Hopefully, those of you who stuck-up with datelines too, I just wish you guys good luck. So smell ya later and till then, May God bless all of you, Wassallam.

*Alucard*
was rockin' on
Wednesday, August 24, 2005 and they said.. 0 comments

Friday, August 19, 2005

Wish I could be the one, the one who won't care at all...

Hahakz, been listening A7X these past few days. Though some might feel that their songs kinda sound so forceful. So impending. So fake. That you'll wonder whether its becoz of those silly and hilarious nasal whines(also call sengau in malay...) due to M. Shadows latest throat surgery or just the whole modern-metal/hard-rock the whole band is. Since its just a fresh new band, with a fresh and new perspective and genre coming along, we should just give this band some time to kick start. Maybe they'll flop, or they'll flourish, it depends on you listeners and hard rock fans. Hey, why am I talking and giving reviews in my entry?! This is suppose to be my personal diary, not a music review. Hahakz. What ever. I love them. So does my bro. Man, why bother...

Anyway, today had Java test, theory paper in the morning. I was early to school today, and I've sworn not skip morning classes ever again. Coz I had enough. So many things I've missed, I need to start focusing on my exams. I've been so relaxed recently. And the test was kinda easy, though I still love programming, rather than knowing the structures, skeletons and the classes itself. What the heck? I think I'll consider programming for my year three in poly...

And today ate at Fast Food. Fuh, sure am lucky not to see my frinky friend again.That Chubby frink. Hahakz. Yu Qi compliment something to me today. That she thinks my hair looks nice rite now, that I look more handsome than before. Are u damn sure...freakin sure it looks nice?! Coz..its becoming more of a nuisance. So...hot under those shades of hair. Hahakz. I'll see to it lah, I planned to keep it long. See how long it goes, then I'll rebond it...NOT! Thanks anyway, it was kinda nice that some people took notice of my hair...and to think that people notice my chipmunk cheeks all these while...hehez...

I had Electonics Fundamental e-test. and I got an...F! What the..?! Its friggin hard man, especially circuit divider. Bummer. I forgot how to calculate current across a parrallel curcuit. So much for D&T in secondary school, and to think I'll have an upperhand in these module. Well, guess what? I flopped it instead. Argh, I still prefer practical over theory. Coz its more hands-on...or maybe becoz I'm just no good in these fields. On engineering. Hardware. Programming...

I've been thinking. Have I really made a right choice being in these course? In MIT? The one and only Multimedia course in NYP with and extra infocomm technology. Man, I could have gone to areas I was much more comfortable being in, such as Mass communcations, or just Multimedia alone. Or that Audio technology I wanted so badly, but becoz they lowered the cut-off points this year, I was'nt seated in that course. Well, it was a mistake for me in the first place. Could have passed my science, or sub-science subjects. But failed both of them instead, haiz...

Its oklah, I'm adapting well to this course. Though I still believe, that I'll get through this course and reward myself with a diploma by the end of year three. And my friends..they're so fun to be with. Even though you'll know that this course sure sound so dry and pretty boring. But they'll never stop making me laugh and sometimes...make me so happy. That I'll be forgetting all those worries and doubts. Or my personal problems. So far, I've never given them any solemn look, a depressed look. Coz they're these bunch of people, that no matter how hard you try to feel moody sometimes, usually when I'm feeling damn tired... people like Charles, or Alex, or Looi Chee. Can make u feel at ease. Make u feel...so at home. And I appreciate every single thing they did to make me laugh, even though they're not the same race as mine. Its really good to be friends, with someone of a different race...

I've gotta go to Vanessa's house with Tze Wei tomorrow to study maths. Like I told you, I'm blur in the recent topic. I'll rather study than to lay quite and failed to understand the topic. Till then, May God Bless all of you, Wassallam.

*Alucard*
was rockin' on
Friday, August 19, 2005 and they said.. 0 comments

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Who says I've lost my ke-JIWANG-an?! Hahakz, well does'nt mean I've start listening to rock music, that I've changed my prespective. Uhuh, no way...

Anyway, today I accompanied my lil' sis to school. Ya, since I'm not BOOK-ed to be in school, no projects and I still can't go to gym(coz I still have this flu running...). Urgh. I miss seeing my "kids" in Margaret Drive Special School. Though the only ones who visits them are Ah-mahs or maids( since their parents can't afford to be in their school rite...). Ya, and the teachers there were kinda nice too, asked me why'd I came down to the school today. Thought I skipped class, but no. I just wanna accompany my sis to school, thats all...

So its more like a kindergarten, but the only toys they play...are just simple "toys" you see in your own household, sometimes you did'nt even notice that these toys are so much fun for kids like them. And it totally made them go so happy, they'll spontaneously screamed and laughed out loud when you least expected. Well, it totally is different from normal kindergartens though. How much I miss them...

And the one boy I missed out of the kids in my sis class was Yazid. He's this special boy who suffered brain cancer while he was a baby. From what I've heard, 3/4 of his brain was...permanently damaged. The only thing he does'nt realised, is the people around him. Most of the time, he'll just stare right into your eyes with those innocent look, and then gave you that sincere smile that sometimes brighten up the heart of a person. Seriously, each time he does that, I can almost feel his..pain. His...loneliness. And the only words he could say out to me was...Abang, brother for malay. But he look so happy when he saw me today. His body language looks as though he wanted me to lift him up in the air and hugged him so tightly. And then there's Azrik, well apparently his guardian called him that. He's the most talkative, hyperactive kid in my sis class. Sometimes, he'll be too active, he'll start wailing so loudly, it can burst you eardrums. Hahakz, but he's my favourite...

He's this small little boy who also suffers brain damage symptoms. But not really that bad lah, he could still see you, talk to you and sometimes walk on his own. And he tends to ask me a lot of questions lah, all those questions some people might find him irritating. But I don't. Coz he's questions can be sometimes quite hilarious lah. Like he'll ask me..." Abang handsome ah, Azrik nak kiss abang leh tak?" And I'll be like..." ah, cium lah. Abang tak kisah..." Hahakz, he'll give you one big smooch! Muahx! Hahakz. But today he's kinda...surprise to see me in school. The moment I walked into class, strolling my sis's wheelchair into class, he jumped straight at me! Like, what the...?! Hahakz, of course I don't really mind, I miss Azrik too!

How much it means to me when I see this kids. That sometimes people don't feel how lucky they are to be...healthy. That in their world, they could feel that sense of loneliness,you can really see it in their eyes. But we, as normal and healthy as we are right now that God have given us in this life, must bring them out of this world of loneliness. Not...to discriminate them. Not to...make fun of them. They're still humans. What if... its your own relative? Your..own siblings? Your own...flesh and blood? So please, if there's a donation out there for this "special" children, donate generous. A penny, or a cent, may help a child in need. May help him in life later. And maybe, he or she, may help you one day...

Syarahan today was kinda interesting. Though I watched halfway and then felt kinda bored. But hey, not becoz I intended to, I've got Java test tomorrow, and electronics fundamental too. Hehez, gotta study man. So smell ya later and till then, May God bless all of you, Wassallam.

*Alucard*
was rockin' on
Thursday, August 18, 2005 and they said.. 0 comments

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Finally back to school, after a day of "quarantine" yesterday in the comfort of my own bedroom. Yeah-ness! I'm happy, promotion...I'm happy, promotion...Anyway...

I got a D for Multimedia Computing! Hahakz, thats the first out of the many news update I received when I was back to school. Man, I miss my friends, even though its just a day. Could'nt hear all those crappy jokes and laughed with them. Simply becoz of all my lame jokes lah. Sure you guys miss me too rite...?

Watever, so today did Authorware for my Digital Media and Design. Used a new software called Authorware 6.0( another new expensive software the school's using...) meant to create and design new application softwares, mostly educational ones lah. Man, at first I was kinda blur , coz I skipped class last week.( due to my PNS lah, hehez...) So asked helped from the lecturer, though he showed me how to transfer the files from the server to my own folder. What the heck?! After that, I'm basically on my own. Ok, so I just followed the tutorial sheets the lecturer had gave us. Hahakz, did things a step at a time lah, although progress was slow. But hey, at least I managed to finish up tutorial 1 and 2. Woohoo, its infact quite easy lah, much more easier than Flash MX...I think...

For maths, could'nt catch up on the new topic they've learnt yesterday. Bummer. So most of the time, had to act kinda blur. And its not pretending, I seriously am blur. They've touch up on a new topic that I myself could'nt understand even after the lecturer recalled what is it all about yesterday. Argh, need to stop skipping class lah...!!!

And today, my shirt was soiled with milo. Hahakz, another dumb Yat lah, silly me. I think maybe I becoz I saw Eye Candy walking by at South Canteen today...EYE CANDY!!! And then it happen lah, you know those dramas whereby you saw someone you admire and suddenly something you wish it will not happen, ended up did. Ok, watever. I only care to look, not too like. Hehez, and Charles and Alex made a big fuss over it. Stupid Twin Towers of MIT. Hahakz, thats what I called them lah, coz they're 1.8 m tall. Like...woah! They made silly comments on those milo stains, and I had to hold on to my bag just to cover up my stained shirt. Urgh. Well, it does'nt really work, coz it freakin stain the whole shirt of mine, from the top to bottom. So if I were to cover my lower half, the upper half can be seen...get it?

Anyway, my throat still hurts lah. Still got some coughing here and there. Hopefully I'll get better tomorrow. Anyway...tomorrow I've no school wat? So, why the freaking heck am I worried about?! Hahakz...remember there are others who are still schooling tomorrow, so must be more sensitive. Like what they said...life must go on. Hehez. Take care of your health ya, and for those who are sitting for exams in a month's time, good luck. So smell ya later and till then May God bless all of you, Wassallam.

*Alucard*
was rockin' on
Wednesday, August 17, 2005 and they said.. 0 comments

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Man, I'm so sick today...I've been hit with Flu...so I had to be confined to sit at home the whole of my Tuesday today...Don't feel like blogging today...so I just wanna recommend and update something to everyone of ya...

Avenged sevenfold- City of Evil
You haven't decided on this album yet?! Prepare to be swayed by a generous meltdown of metallic nostalgia...

Process of elimination. Diehard metal addicts would be none too pleased with Avenged Sevenfold's City of Evil becoz there's better metal out there, and they're already listening to it. Those wishing to revisit a long-gone era of the genre...the era during which you might actually entertain the idea of buying the new Metallica record...may appreciate Evil's novelty...but they'll also know what they are missing. We're left two sizeable sections: people who are just getting into metal, and passing fanciers who could take it or leave it. Avenged's latest is for them. Point being, in the right hands, City of Evil is a very respectable album.

Ok, so hope you guys buy the new album ya!! Man,I wanna go school, doakan lah semoga ku pulih semula ok, I miss my friends in school man. Hahakz, especially Charles, my tall, tall bro. So smell ya later and till then May God Bless all of you, Wassallam.

*Alucard*
was rockin' on
Tuesday, August 16, 2005 and they said.. 0 comments

Thursday, August 11, 2005

yat..YAT! WAKE UP!!! Stop thinking of all these...YOU GOT PROJECTS TO SUBMIT! NEXT WEEK KENE PASS UP DOK!!!

Hahakz, so today I had no class! Hurray!!! But I've to meet up my Com skills group members( Rui Qi, Joanne and Peter...) for our second meeting. Plan to meet them at 11 am. However, everyone turned up later than the time given. Hahakz, coz I woke up at 9 am! What the..?! Anyway, guess who I saw?! I saw someone I thought I'll never see again...IT'S EYE CANDY!!! Hahakz, while I was rushing my way to meet up my group members on the sheltered walkways of NYP( coz Joanne kept calling my cell phone...), saw her whizz past me with her friends. Argh! Why must you appear each time I was'nt aware of your presence?!

Anyway, had lunch at fast food. Then, I saw Faz(chubby frink..)...AGAIN! Haiz, I guess its no longer fate lah, I think its already a jinx I have to see her in school. Semakin hari nampak die pat skolah, semakin lemau pulak. Hehez, sendukkan jek eh Faz?!

So, did our project at e-learning plaza. The place was kinda crowded, and there's also pretty minahs down there. Man, its damn hot! Hahakz, we did it with so much precision and professionalism. Maybe becoz, we just wanna finish this assignment ASAP. And we had to re-plan our strategies and ideas. In the end, we finished everything till 2pm! Woah, that was kinda fast eh? I think its mainly becoz we already had a focus on what we're planning to design, as well as keeping track of datelines. ARGH!!! Anyway, Joanne was so anxious that we could'nt finish up our project on time. But I kept reminding hr that it'll be ok, everythings gonna be just fine. Tried to raise everyones spirit. All those "leadership" things lah. Though I too was kinda doubtful. What the heck?! No leader must ever show his weaker side, he must be strong...

Hehez, but I stayed in the plaza till 5pm. The rest of the group members had their own things to settle too. I was lucky that I caught up with JP and his group members, they too came down to school to finish up their Com skills project. And me? An outcast?! Not really, I was suppose to meet Saiful at 4pm(eventually did'nt...) , but I had to stay in the plaza the entire afternoon just to finish up this friggin' Semestral project, another one of those suppose-to-be-dateline-project-assignments lah. Thanks to my other group members, had to correct their spelling errors the whole afternoon, I'm becoming more like a spellchecker. Anyway, at least there's Tze Wei's iPod! Listened to The Used!!! Argh...!!!

Dead, dead tired...and me and JP went to Fast food( again...) to eat snack cum dinner. And guess who I saw again?! No, not my eye candy...it was Faz again. Urgh, tetibe jek sejuk seh. Hehez, anyway, told you its merely a jinx, why bother. Biskut betul. Kalah biskut Mary. Hahakz, sendukkan jek eh Faz? Watch Bakeretsu Tenshi episode 7 to 8 on JP's laptop. Till 6 pm. It was damn cool man, I wanna watch it again next time...

And I finally submitted my complementary subjects choices. I'm taking French Language as my first choice! Hahakz, I wanna learn french...Uhuh...uhuh...go Pat...hehe...hehe...hehe...

This coming Saturday, I've an NYP PAL event! Woohoo, in the school of life sciences! So smell ya later and Till then, May God Bless all of you, Wassallam.

*Alucard*
was rockin' on
Thursday, August 11, 2005 and they said.. 0 comments

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Ok, I'll take my time to blog( since it has been a long time ago I've been blogging...). Hehez, Happy Bilated Birthday Singapore!!! Yeah, turning 40 eh, getting quite old I guess...

Anyway, last night went out with the Frinks and my bro Saiful for NDP. NOT the parade, just to watch the spectacle and beauty of the fire works display just for a night. It was damn nice man, we were like...woah. Then the next thing...argh!!! Then the following word was...HORH?! Hahakz, lame...so somebody get me a wheelchair please!!! ( Oh my, that WAS a cold joke...)

And today, I still had this pre-National Day Symptoms!!! Argh, I woke up at 9 am, was late for DMD(digital media and design) module, where Vanessa sms me telling me they had audio recording and mixing(urgh...) for today's class and I took my time to get to school(eventually arrived at 11...). I was so damn lazy man!!!

I passed my maths too!! Yeah, got B+ for it, at least it was worth it, coz I did'nt study much for the module, all of my time was spent on that stupid Multimedia computing. Gonna see something "Red" for that module. Hahakz, guess this is what you'll expect when you revised your work last minute...

Today I'm feeling so blue. And Yellow.Can't really explain why, but I'll just write it somewhere to cool myself down...

Dapat kah puting kan menjadi bunga?...Ku berhenti mengharapkan dirimu, sekiranya itulah hakikatnya....Mungkin kerana ku sedar, diriku lah yang telah banyak membuahkan dosa...Kau mempersiakan tangisan mu kerana diri ku semenjak kita bertemu...Inilah masanya, kau memulakan hidup mu tanpa diriku, masanya kau menerima seorang insan yang lebih menyayangi dirimu...Memulakan hidup mu tanpa risaukan dirimu kan menjadi hampa lagi...Tersimpanlah kerinduan di hatiku ini, ku membawa diriku...Ku berdoa semoga insan itu...kan memberi segala hasrat yang ingin kau kecapi...selama ini ku tidak dapat menggapai nya, mustahil bagiku untuk melaksanakannya, sebagai hantaran bagi cintamu...Selamat tinggal, sayangku...

Ok, feeling better I guess. So much for online diary. Publicity or attention-seeking? Whatever lah, just smell you guys later and till then, May God Bless all of you, Wassallam.

*Alucard*
was rockin' on
Wednesday, August 10, 2005 and they said.. 0 comments

Thursday, August 04, 2005

Man, its 2 am morning. And I've just finish my maths revision. So much for notes. So much for staying late at night. I'm gonna flop my multimedia computing. Astaghfirullah, what have I done. Maybe I did'nt prayed for well-being. Or simply, asked for guidance...

Anyway, multimedia computing test yesterday was a total disaster. I did'nt manage to answer all of the questions. I was kinda pissed. Kinda, disheartened. All I could think of was, just to give up. Give up on studying. But I did'nt brought up any tantrums nor complained. I stayed in the lecture teather till the paper ends. Because, I was so disarrayed. So, confused. All of a sudden, my mind went blanked. After all, its just a test...

Today, I felt so...different. Was it because I regretted what I did the yesterday? Or was it because I felt like I missed something? My prayers? My...own Religion? I felt like I was getting a little too distant..to my own race...my own religion. Mak used to say I'm forgetting my own roots, your own race. But I told her how unlucky I was that my class were'nt that many Malays. And...my friends were coincidentally...chinese. That I'm starting to talk like one. Starting to act like one. Starting to feel..act...chinese. My God, Apa yang telah terjadi?!

And I've suddenly thought of my own religion. Sorry for the inconvience to all those Non-muslims, but I've finally realized I've been missing a lot of my prayers and Quran-recital since I've been starting school. The only thing I've been keeping track, was to watch Syarahans on TVs. That to me, was the source of my "religious" teachings now. Other than that, school has been stopping me for Friday Prayers. Lupakan doa yang selalu ku panjatkan sesudah solat, menggabaikan bacaan Quran ku dan jarang ke masjid untuk berjemaah. I'm not blaming school, neither am I blaming of all the changes that has been occuring around me. Tapi sebagai seorang mukmin, ku harus sedar. Sembahyang lah sebelum kamu disembahyangkan...

I don't know why I'm so...emotional today. All these just, terlintas dari buah fikiran ku. Maybe when I heard my bro Zul mentioned masjid, that triggered all these...And now, I've been thinking about it constantly. Maybe its just me imagining things. Bummer. Guess I should take a good rest after my maths test. I've not been feeling, too well I suppose..

I'm playing these song specially for my bro Zul. Hehez, jangan lah berhenti berharap...

Bagaikan bintang( si Dia...) di langit, kecapi lah nya sebelum ia hilang di pandangan mata
Bintang nya kan bersinar, setiap kali malam( sengsara...) tiba
Berikannya, kasih sayang dan kesetiaan
Dan ia kan membawa mu ke dunia ku namakan, cinta...
Insyallah...

So smell ya later guys and Till then, May God bless all of you, Wassallam.

*Alucard*
was rockin' on
Thursday, August 04, 2005 and they said.. 0 comments