Saturday, August 27, 2005
Man, I feel so weird today. Its hard to say that I was wrong...Its hard to say that I miss you...Since you've been gone, its not the same...
I did'nt think that she'll be in contact with me anymore, but she sure did. My first love messaged me late last night asking me to support her for a performance. Though...that was'nt the main story. She told me something I already knew, a problem I had heard from my bro Zul. But...that was'nt all of it. She told me something more than that. And I got a freaking shock of my life. I did'nt know how many times I've "mengucap", she sounded so...hurt. So...depressed. She love had not been going through a life I thought I've prayed for. Kesenangan. Kebahagian. Dan...Ketenangan. Instead, all she got...was the opposite of those. And she told me how she could have killed herself. Slit her wrist. Something huge happened to her, but I would'nt tell. I just could'nt...it really made me cry over this...just, thinking of these...it's just isn't right...
I'm willing to help her. But at what cost? I've no longer had any feelings for her, nor had I any intentions to be with her anymore. Somehow, I felt like...I just wanna help her. Just to help her...only as a friend. Somehow, I've already moved on, from the girl I used to sent letters with. A girl, who shared her sorrows and problems with me while we were in school. And a girl...who was never my girlfriend. But somehow rather...she'll still be a part of me...I dunnoe, I just had mixed feelings when things like this happened...
I'll try not to think to much. All these just made me go weaker. Undivided feelings. Coz I'm still not through with my old flame. I'm slowly moving on. Moving on from this phase of life we call it...love. To unloved is the hardest part of life. It wasn't easy to let go, let alone...moving on from a love you knew will never grow again. I did'nt lose anything moving on, rather than to lose holding on to someone...
Now, I'll just try to help her. Help her feel at ease. Rather than to lose her own life. I'm willing to give my all, even though I'm doing it at a cost of being a friend. I just don't want her to suffer anymore. No more, I think its already too much for her to take it. Its just not fair for her...
May God Bless her and all of you...
Wassallam...
was rockin' on
Saturday, August 27, 2005 and they said.. 
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