Sunday, November 13, 2005
Kenangan lama...
I just watched this drama on TV3. Its so damn touching. About a wife who lost her children and husband in a tragic accident. And then she even lost her newborn child during birth too. She went through hell, with lotsa of trauma and hallucination. But her parents and in-laws kept her spirits high. They kinda like persistently ask her to face reality, and wake up from her "world". And one day she did, after going through months of pain...
And it gave me such a big impact. What if one day, I'll never see the ones I love the most? People like my nenek? People like my...parents? I cried when the I watch the whole drama. It kinda relate to me...somehow...
Like how I lost my twin sister during my mak's birth. Something went awry and, the doctor failed to save her. But luckily, the other one survive. She was Fatin. And she was 3/4 brain dead. But I cherished having her till now. I treated my little sister, as wat all brothers would do. And I was thankful that I had a little sister...
That's becoz before both of my little sisters were to be born, I was the one who was ecstatic. Coz I looked forward to having a little sister. So much that sometimes, I would talk to my mak' s "tummy" just to see how well my sisters are doing inside. And I was so happy that I kept talking about having a little sister so badly to my nenek...
But then, kerna takdir dan Qadaq dan Qadar, I did'nt get what I wanted. Kinda. But a little sister, I did have. And ya, it made me so traumatized to lose the other one, I felt sick. And it's so ironic that it's on the eve of Hari Raya Aidilfitri. I was down with the fever, budden it was more like a special day to me. More like, memorable. Coz my cousins came to visit me on Hari raya. I was so traumatized and sick and all that, they recited Takbir Raya together. And I mummured along. With nenek by my side, membelai rambut ku. That was why, I'm still grateful of having good grandparents and cousins with me...
And one thing. Now that I've thought it all over. I've finally realized that. I did made the right decision to let go of my ex. The only thing I did wrong. Was lying to her about the truth. The one thing that made me regret all my life, was letting her go. Just so that I could take care of my family, and my grandparents. Just becoz I failed to be the good guy she wanted me to be. And that I'm no superman. I can't take on so many roles. Being a good boyfriend. Being a good son. Being a good grandson. And being a brother. Somehow, I was so pressurized, I blew it all. And now, up till now. I still missed her...a lot...
The only thing that kept me going, was seeing my little sister. Who would take care of her if my parents are no longer able to work? Sebagai insan istimewa. Now I need someone who could support me. Who can say she loves me becoz she trusted me...
Ok lah, maybe thinking of all these is too much for me. Not when I'm having a hard time both in school and at home. I guess, I need to visit my nenek next week. She's the only one who could give me all the strength I need in these world. Someone I consider as both my friend and girlfriend. Yang dah lepas, biar dijadikan tauladan. But I would'nt say I would forget what my ex did. She was so caring. She was so supportive. So loving, I could'nt picture anything more. I thanked her for everything she has done to me. Dan ku mendoakan demi kebahgiaanya selalu. But that one thing blew everything, when problems start to seep in. So much that decided to let her go...
Man, I'm like repeating one whole incident again and again. Maybe its time I should start a new. Now, she's like a stranger to me. Someone I can't even relate too. Even the other day I met her. It felt so different. Haiz, watever lah. I think I'm going through a state of depression rite now. Temporary. It will go away, its just my own feelings. In self-denial. So smell ya guys later, Wassallam.
was rockin' on
Sunday, November 13, 2005 and they said.. 
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<<Home