Friday, April 28, 2006
Fate
Man, its my fault for not updating. Its not that i dun want to, but I'm kinda busy. But busy isn't the correct word to use, tired to be precise. So most of the time, I'm freaking tired that I'll be dozing off right after I took a shower. Watever it is, I'll try to update my blog due to the fact that my friends would like to noe wat the hell I am doing nowadays. Duty calls. And also, it'll be a waste not to use a blog that has such nice blogskin specially made from a friend of mine. So, better make full use of it...
Anyway, I had a pretty decent chat with my first love recently. As usual, things always does'nt go what she always intended to. So ya, her life is like a rollercoaster, full of ups and downs. But this was'nt our usual convo...
I was flattered when she suddenly felt appreciative of me being by her side when she needed me the most. I noe it sounds wrong but I felt rejoiced. She told me that I was always there when she's always in trouble, that I'm the only person who's willing to help her when she's in need. And what makes me more happier when she told me she did'nt quit school coz I made her strong. That I was the strength in her. I'm not making this up, and neither am I'm lying. Its almost as if I'm in a dream too. But its real, and it came from someone who rejected me before. You heard that, REJECTED. Its cruel, but I guess I have to lay that as fate...
Sometimes, I'm too kind. But my kindness is something which also gives me a very potential weakness, fear. Fear of losing. Fear of losing a friend. I use to think that, being kind means to have more friends. But I was wrong. Now, I change that concept. I'm no longer the guy who gives anyone a soft spot. Nor am I being TOO kind. Yes, I was kind to my first love. But it was becoz I'm not holding back my words. I made a promise to her. And I had kept it with all my heart ever since I got to noe her. I told her I'm willing to give my all if she is in need. And yes, I still does that. But maybe God was being fair to me. He was trying to test me with all this to prove that I kept my words, and let fate decide. And I did it with all my heart. I was'nt helping her becoz I loved her or love her, but she was still a friend to me. I would do anything for a friend. That's me, FYI.
I'm missing my friends nowadays. My frinky friends. My E6 mates. My brothers. Everyone. Even my ex. I'm like spending more time in school rather than my social life. I failed in time management. But one thing for sure, even if I don't spend time with em. They're still in my heart no matter what. And thats a promise that'll stay in me for the rest of my life.
I'm starting to live life like I've done it the first time. Haha, crap...
Wassallam.
was rockin' on
Friday, April 28, 2006 and they said.. 
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