Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Alright so I've not been into updating-mode for probably a few weeks now. I've, rightfully so, been into a nervous shut down for a comparable time and I'm almost to a brink of non-existence in this cyber world. So pardon me for the lack of enthusiastic sarcasm(which can be somewhat bemusing) and some rather random posts that all you dear readers have been missing this past few weeks. I'm completely drained out, which is rather obvious from all those very long-winded project that's apparently been the cause of this very presence of mine in the so-call world of blogging. I've been missing some "quality" blogging(which I'm not so good at but apprehensively tried to actually make one) and I sincerely apologise for that too.
So the faucets been turn off for quite some time now, except for those few unreasonable leaks that I could come out with in these very blog once in a while (whatever). Not that I'm no longer keen to have a habit on updating my blog entries, but sometimes that lack of time and mood fails to comprehend so. But, if you dear readers insist in turning on this very "tap" of mine right now, I can honestly say that, all that'll be gushing out of this very mind right now are pretty much "project" based. My world typically revolves around them, maybe. But yeah, what I'm doing and thinking most of the time is all about the letter P. Which is, exactly stands for PROJECTS. It is downright irritating when one finds themselves shelved in between spaces where they're only constraint to time and datelines. Where they have to, like it or not, spare a few of their social beings to become half-zombies. I find it hard to believe it at first(rather find it amusing too) but I did have a few cases whereby I'll show no signs of emotion(especially that fucking goddamn smile) to the very people I love. Maybe, but I've been guilty of showing little or sometimes no signs of gesture whenever there's a possibilty that someone's anticipating a great "Hi" from you, or me for that matter.
Yes. Wicked it maybe, but I deeply regretted my actions through the course of this entire week. When it comes to stuff that I've so much hated in life(for that matter, studies and school and whatever that has to do with things that bores you) I can be downright insensitive. Yeah, maybe just a little, but there's a certainty whereby the brain just can't seem to be able to focus on pleasing everyone. For that matter. And there was this occasion, where I've to go through a state of nervous breakdown due to the fact that my mind has been so concentrated on projects. It can be a disease, and I've certainly fell ill quite a bit. You know when a network fails to read all of the packets(or in this case, tons of assignments) sent by different sources, there's a high risk of getting a collision of packets. And they called it a collision domain course, or whatever it is. That was how terrible the brain had to endure, and it fucking made my day(which is thankfully just one fucking day and I won't tell you when it happened) so fucking tense.
But, I've always make it a habit to stop. Or lets just name it, HALT for that matter. Focus on my health(or hunger), my anger, my loneliness and also my time I've spent with these crap. This were the four things that I've always implement whenever shit arises. When I'm hungry, I get myself a food so that I'll languish this fucking hunger of mine. Hunger can sometimes affect mood, and you'll go animalistic when you're down with it. And of course, anger is always the main thing you SHOULD not establish. If ever there is something or someone who has made you so fucking pissed off, make an effort to find some space for you to breathe. Don't ask me how the fuck you'll find that space, just spare a thought to "imagine" a living space if it helps you. Loneliness definitely comes when one finds themselves too reliant on the people who revolves around them(good friends for that matter) and give room for yourself to invoke social living once in a while. Sit down, chat(or crap if the situation arises) and I can honestly tell you that you'll never find yourself being so utterly claustrophobic, social life widens that very space of yours (if you know what I mean). Last but not least, take time off. It is a definite must. And I daresay, the only thing that I feel so much appreciative(and thankful) all these while are not only my family, friends, or whoever, but my very own electric guitar. Its a thing that's been my drug to de-stressed me every single fucking day. Like what cigrattes and alcohol can make you go high, my baby(electric guitar) makes my mood go from a low down to a fucking high note each time I'd take a break doing guitars every few hours of project assignments. So baby, credits to you. Love you alot(laughs)!
On the contrary, I'm going through a phase of transition. Like being a super retarded geek-wannabe for the past few weeks to fit into the mood of "happy project day". It'll end soon I can promise you that and once its officially over, the jobs not over yet Singapore has to fucking win Thailand tomorrow at the Kallang Stadium(laughs)!
was rockin' on
Tuesday, January 30, 2007 and they said.. 
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